A few do, but most are humans trying their best…or maybe they suck in the good way.
I was told something by my daughter’s therapist years ago: “everyone is doing the best they can at any moment.” That was a mind-blowing concept. Very few people are trying to be less. Of course some are openly manipulative knowing it’s a shitty thing, but that’s a tiny portion of humanity. Some people are carrying trauma…and manipulation is a coping mechanism. Every real person on the apps deserves respect and compassion, even if want to be sucked into their behaviors. It’s not your job to understand where their behaviors come from but it might make everyone feel a bit better when you type, “We’re not a match, but thanks.”
Rejection is a fact of life. Give it and receive it with humor and humility.
Everyone on the apps has their own rules for how they think the apps should be used and how people should behave. Some never want to be greeted with “sup”. Some won’t chat if they haven’t received a face pic without being asked. Some won’t talk if you’re not packing more than 9″. Let them have their rules and move on. The nice guys are out there.
No pics? Understand that they might be navigating fear and self-loathing (don’t we all?)
Crass opening lines like “Hung?” Ok. Maybe lacking social skills doesn’t have to mean they’re bad people. Maybe their fetishizing? Yeah. Probably. Just respond that you’re 12 inches with unmedicated E.D.
Talk to guys like you want to be spoken to. Not preaching here. Just found my peace by being at peace.
By all means, don’t be afraid to say, “Thanks for your interest but we’re not a match.” Respectful closure is a beautiful thing to behold.
The apps are a ripe field for frustration. Go in knowing that; and treat these humans as humans. Don’t buy their crypto, don’t get sucked into their hole, be polite and respectful, and move on when you need to.
Flakes who don’t show? Maybe their kink is imaging sexual interaction without the courage to follow through. Maybe they are caught in that constant state of competition; always shopping for a God and missing out on real connection. Or maybe they’re not experienced enough to have been hurt by this treatment. It’ll happen. They’ll learn their lesson. And that makes me feel a tiny bit better when it happens to me.